I began my 21-day fast with one goal in mind: draw closer to the Lord and release anything that had me spiritually bound. I wasn’t looking for anything extravagant—at least that’s what I told myself. But deep down, I had already imagined the miracle I wanted. I thought the Lord was going to grant me a very specific blessing. One I had convinced myself I needed.
But here’s what I now realize: what I wanted wasn’t what I needed, and what I was calling faith was really control.
The fast didn’t start from selfish ambition. It started from a call. A whisper in my spirit. God was drawing me to Him. What I didn’t know then, but clearly see now, is that He was calling me to teach me, not grant me.
Early on in the fast, something special happened—something I believed was the miracle. It was beautiful and fulfilling for a short while, and I prayed hard to keep it going. Soon, that “something” became the center of my fast. My prayers changed. I wasn’t just praying to know God—I was praying to keep what I thought God gave me.
And just like that, it was gone.
I had two choices: be angry with God, or let Him teach me.
In my heartbreak and confusion, a friend lovingly corrected me. She said, “If you thought that thing would save you and not God, you might need to check your faith.” And so I did. In my tears, I opened my Bible. And there, God answered.
“Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42, KJV)
That scripture hit me hard. I wasn’t denying myself. I was clinging to my own will, my own desires, and trying to use God to keep them. But true discipleship doesn’t look like that.
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” (Luke 9:23, KJV)
“And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” (Mark 8:34, KJV)
God reminded me that everything—every loss, every joy, every unmet expectation—was working together for my good:
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28, KJV)
He wasn’t punishing me. He was pruning me.
“Through God we shall do valiantly: for he it is that shall tread down our enemies.” (Psalm 108:13, KJV)
So today, I write this not as someone who got what she prayed for, but as someone who learned what she needed.
God showed me that above all else, I must love Him.
“For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.” (Romans 11:36, KJV)
Final Reflection:
Fasting isn’t about bending God’s will to match ours—it’s about surrendering our will to be shaped by His. He loves us too much to give us what we want when it pulls us away from Him. This fast didn’t end with a miracle the way I imagined—but it ended with clarity, conviction, and a deeper love for God.
And that, beloved, is the real miracle.
-Conversations o Clarity
Conversations to clarity 